I recommend Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.  The book suggests three powerful questions to ask before engaging in crucial conversations: “What do I really want for myself? What do I really want for others? What do I really want for the relationship”(Patterson, 2002, p. 43).  Taking the time to stop, reflect, and ask oneself these three questions can potentially help to de-escalate and stabilize emotions, and, thereby, enable one to identify intent and purpose before engaging in confrontation.  In addition, taking time to reflect and get clear on the purpose of the conversation increases the likelihood that the environment during the conversation will remain respectful and safe.

Reference 

Patterson, K. (2002). Crucial conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high. New York: McGraw-Hill